Madelynn Hadley
Human
Posts: 20 
200x300 avatar: http://i.imgur.com/TCofC5h.jpg?1
Plot: http://free-rein.boards.net/thread/95/reds-little-monsters
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Post by Madelynn Hadley on Feb 15, 2015 20:59:36 GMT
You don’t have to do this on your own, like there’s no one that cares about you.. you don’t have to act like you're alone, like the walls are closing in around you. You don’t have to pretend no one knows like there’s no one that understands you. I’m not just some face you used to know.. I know all about you. And you should know that someone cares about you. I know all about you
The park was only a time to reflect. For some it would be a place of play, of enjoyment. Children would romp about, care free, while their happy parents would linger. For others it would just be a place to reminisce. Such as this pessimistic brunette in particular who couldn't seem to recall an instance at the place that didn't include a certain blonde.
It hadn't been all that long ago, in reality.. but oh how time could fly. Before the babies and the Pierces. At one point they'd been close friends... but that had long faded. The drama had caught up with their shaky relationship and had since broken them apart. This time however.. it hadn't been Madelynn's doing. Not completely. Lilly had been entirely too precious to her to dump the relationship that easily. She had had a huge part in their parting, but it takes two to tango. Now the the woman couldn't even look at her without seeing the disgust written so clearly on her pretty face... and then there was the fear.
If the awkward tension hadn't been enough, Lilly's boyfriend had pulled a gun on her. If it wasn't for Madelynns own partner she could have very well ended up with a bullet through her leg. The easily damaged girl hadn't taken it lightly. She'd buried her feelings in her self destructive habits that had in turn numbed her... to the point where she'd hardly had time to mourn their relationship at all. Until times like these.
When the air around her grew relatively silent and she had nothing but her dog to take her mind of her wandering thoughts. Even through the music that blasted in her ears she found memories popping up at every little corner. Such that damned duck pond.
She would have avoided the place at all costs except her mongrel of a dog decided that their walk would include the ducks. Madelynn walked with purpose through this area in particular, avoiding every landmark, chest tightening with every little memory of her long lost friend. Every little glimpse from their past would only dig up the more recent, er, intimate thoughts.. which would only cause her skin to grow cold. The combination of devastation and attraction for the girl was confusing at best. Especially when she had no inclination to want to be with her. In a different circumstance.. perhaps. But both of their hearts belonged to someone else.
Dark eyes met each passing person, flashing them her empty grin before her gaze would return to the concrete on which she walked. Normally it would suffice. As long as she looked happy nobody would ask questions. The dog at her side would be her only steady comfort at the moment, unfortunately Andrew wasn't as portable as Riot was. The muscular pitbull trotted alongside her like the faithful beast he always would be. Her grasp on the leash increased significantly as she walked, occasionally a finger lifted to anxiously tap away at her palm in beat with the music in her ears. She was just ready to put this little section of her life behind her.. literally.
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Lilly Starbroke Pierce
Manipulator
Posts: 54
200x300 avatar: http://orig01.deviantart.net/8cf0/f/2015/325/7/1/ff356dbf_4383_4252_b1e4_82f3b038b8f6_zps1hbrov26_by_xanimalgirl345667x-d9hknc3.jpg
App: http://free-rein.boards.net/thread/58/lilly-hoovai-cottnip
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Post by Lilly Starbroke Pierce on Feb 15, 2015 21:41:18 GMT
| Life was good. There was no blood, no fighting, no crying. There wasn't even a tear coming from her. The woman was building her wall of strength and will once again, surrounding herself with what makes her happy. She tried to avoid the bathroom though as much as possible... there weren't any happy memories in there. But she was also trying to mold her relationship with Emmett to a... better form now that they had pushed their worries aside. Everything was just a fluke in the road but now she'd be able to get through it with the man by her side. Everything seemed good... for now.Unfortunately, Lilly had a personality disorder of sorts called "Borderline Disorder". And what was included in that was when somebody abandoned her they were deemed as bad. So unfortunately Madelynn was... disliked after the woman was now avoiding her at all costs, or at least that's how it seemed. And quite frankly it should of stayed that way in Lilly's mind for she was not too fond of the dark haired girl anymore. Once upon a time would she go rushing back to her, trying to gain back her friendship but now?... She was just... too broken. Too exhausted to deal with anything outside of her bubble. Anybody who drifted out of her circle, she couldn't chase after them. She was done chasing. She couldn't do it anymore. She was far too damaged to try and keep everybody in tight spaces once more. She couldn't be the middle man anymore.Currently Lilly took Amber out to play in the Park and spend some time with her. She had took the time to divide her attention equally amongst the twins but on occasions will she only take one out. Not because of favortism or anything but because she needed to spread love and show that both of them were equally as special to her. Well... in a quiet type of way. Lilly wasn't one for being loud anymore. She was more of a quiet and obedient little puppy now with many cracks.Amber sat on the edge of the cool pond with a great big grin. Brown eyes peered over at the ducks waddling about, flapping their wings as some of them slid into the water. She clapped her hands excitedly with a giggle before peering up at her mother. "Ma!" She exclaimed excitedly before wobbling over on her chubby legs and falling into her mother's arms with an excited squeal.The Mom had been sitting with her legs crossed on the ground when Amber had thrown herself into her arms. Chuckling softly at her daughter's antics, she lifted her up with her weak arms into the air, smiling. "Hey there Amber. You like the ducks over there?" She asked before bouncing her in the air and hugging her lovingly. "Haha, Mommy's gotcha!" She said with a playful like tone, rocking back and forth.Amber let out an eager squeal and shriek, flailing her chubby arms before they found their place around her Mumsie's thin neck. "Maaa!" She replied lovingly before brown eyes quickly explored the landscape. She spotted the dark haired woman she had seen a couple of times with her uncle whom her sister called 'Key'. She blinked a couple of times before letting out a confused gargle and a blow of her tiny tongue. "Key?" She murmured quietly before tugging on her mother's shirt. "Ma! Ma! Loo-ee!" The toddler brought Lilly's attention quickly.Lilly looked to her daughter with a confused expression. "Hm? What is it baby?" She asked before glancing around to spot her Ex-Best friend (hence Ex). Memories came flooding back, instinctively biting her bottom lip as her pale cheeks flushed. Head whipped around to nervously look at the pond in front of her when she felt the warmth slip from her arms. "A-Amber!" She called out quickly.The tiny little girl was now stumbling over to the dog that the strange woman was dragging with her. She extended her arms forward to try to give a hug to the wrinkly pup. It looked somewhat like the four dogs at home... but less fluffy. It was smaller than the German Shepherds Daddy had, and way smaller than Cody but it was bigger than Macy the tiny chihuahua. Lilly quickly flip-flopped on to her stomach, knees digging into the dirt. "Amber!" She called out before crawling over swiftly, arms trying to grab hold of her child. |
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Notes: Well thanks a lot Amber you screw up <3 |
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Madelynn Hadley
Human
Posts: 20
200x300 avatar: http://i.imgur.com/TCofC5h.jpg?1
Plot: http://free-rein.boards.net/thread/95/reds-little-monsters
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Post by Madelynn Hadley on Feb 15, 2015 23:05:02 GMT
You don’t have to do this on your own, like there’s no one that cares about you.. you don’t have to act like you're alone, like the walls are closing in around you. You don’t have to pretend no one knows like there’s no one that understands you. I’m not just some face you used to know.. I know all about you. And you should know that someone cares about you. I know all about you
There wasn't much hope, in her eyes, of ever reuniting with the woman. Besides the fact that she was probably hated, her boyfriend had made it quite clear to stay away. Therefore she'd respect his wishes, if only to save her own ass. Fixing relationships were never her strong suit, anyways. So she'd let things lie, attempt to forget that the woman had ever been a part of her life. If only things were that easy. In time the wounds would heal... the relationship would only be another one to add to her long list of failures.
Much like her broken acquaintance, Madelynn had too much to deal with to try and patch things up with a woman who didn't give a shit about her. For one, it seemed her mind was at constant war with itself. How would she possibly think about going out of her way to fix them when it would only most likely end up with Andrew getting another bullet in the leg? Logically it was easy to understand this. Emotionally.. well, it would take a while to wrap her mind around. This reason in particular was why she normally wouldn't participate in such things as 'having friends'. It was much too taxing on her delicate brain, especially when they all ended up in heartache.
She wouldn't notice the drama around her, the child, or the familiar woman. That was, not until the blue dog at her heels skidded to a halt at the prospect of a new friend. The leash suddenly grew taut as the strong canine leapt over to the approaching child, the woman's arm consequently getting tugged. Her muscles instinctively grew tense as she tugged back against the now-writhing animal, lips pursing with slight annoyance. She pulled out her earphone, breaking the wave of comforting music that danced across her mind. "Riot, damnit. Can't you just-" And that's when her eyes shifted to peer over at what he'd grown excited about.
The woman could have sworn her heart stopped for several seconds before of course, it would shrivel back into the dark expanse of her mind. It was none other than her favorite little blonde. Just the quick little glimpse of her sent a wave of those fresh memories, with it that familiar lust she'd always felt. But the feeling would not be complete without the raw ache of devastation that settled in her chest. If she could have physically shrunk away and disappeared, she would have. Her gaze quickly dropped to the ground, unable to deal with the pain she'd just been put in. Why'd she have to be here, at the precise moment she'd wanted nothing more than to forget?
A warmth crept over her as a sort of panic crept in, eyes frantically searching the area around the woman for the man that would inevitably appear, eventually. It seemed the two were inseparable.. probably due to the fact that he couldn't trust her as far as he could throw her. Understandably. But this would only mean that she had to leave. Fear crept up into her dark eyes as she gripped Riot's leash firm and pulled the dog away from the baby. Oh how she loved that child. Even from her limited amount of time spent with her. Madelynn was hardly the maternal type, but she felt the strong and bizarre urge to go her. But she wouldn't. In fact, she wouldn't go anywhere near them.
She staggered backwards quickly, swallowing the lump in her throat as she turned away and focused her glittering gaze on the ground.. but she wasn't running. Why? Perhaps because her dogs fat butt had planted itself on the concrete and refused to leave. There was a new friend to play with and he wasn't going to leave without saying hello. The dog shoved his wide muzzle into the toddler lightly, snuffling her shirt. Madelynn absently reached over to rub a thumb across her wrist, as if that were going to somehow make her disappear from the situation. "I-I'm sorry." She squeaked out through her sudden urge to bawl like a baby. So she would. Her face crumpled in an instant, tears sliding down her cheeks as if somehow that child had singlehandedly killed her father. She half heartedly tugged at the leash in her hand and tried to get the animal to part ways, which would prove to be useless..so the woman would instead find shelter in her hair as she cast her fingers through it.
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Lilly Starbroke Pierce
Manipulator
Posts: 54
200x300 avatar: http://orig01.deviantart.net/8cf0/f/2015/325/7/1/ff356dbf_4383_4252_b1e4_82f3b038b8f6_zps1hbrov26_by_xanimalgirl345667x-d9hknc3.jpg
App: http://free-rein.boards.net/thread/58/lilly-hoovai-cottnip
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Post by Lilly Starbroke Pierce on Feb 15, 2015 23:28:11 GMT
| Lilly didn't want her child anywhere near her. They could of been best buddies, sisters even. But that didn't mean she could forgive so easily. If their friendship meant an ounce to the woman then she could of at least tried to talk. Tried to fight for it. To just do- god dammit, something. She didn't have to abandon her in her time of need... Madelynn should of known... should of known how her relationship with Emmett would go after it. But she ran away. Whether to save herself or fearful of doing some shit she didn't know. But the fact that when her heart looked for her best friend, reaching and calling out in desperation for help and did not find her, she felt her heart shatter more than it already had. The fact that she wasn't there when she needed it... it was too heart breaking for the delicate young lady. She needed her support and she wasn't fucking there. If she knew anything about the pain she had gone through she would of been there for her but she wasn't. Being abandoned isn't easy. Never was and the fact her best friend had done it after all the shit they went through to be friends?..."Riot, damnit. Can't you just-" Body froze at the familiar voice. She felt her heart clench and twist. Eyes flew wide as she became still, not moving a muscle. Bronze eyes looked at the child who had now plopped herself in front of the canine. Orbs closed with a hard swallow of the lump that planted itself in her throat, fingers digging into the ground. God dammit why did it have to be her? Couldn't... Couldn't she just be better? Couldn't she still be her friend? Why? Why did she have to abandon her? Eyes became glassy as they opened, refusing to move. Breathing slowed until it was almost inaudible.Amber reached her chubby hand to pat the puppy's head as it shoved it's wrinkly snout against her chest and belly. A giggle bubbled in her throat before rubbing both of her hands up and down his cheeks as a form of squishing his face. A grin lit her face excitedly before booping its nose with her thumb. "Booo!" She exclaimed before bouncing up and down excitedly on the dirt with a squeal.Lilly snatched her child closer to her. She didn't need her to be so close to something that had caused her so much heart ache, so much tears, so much worries and fears that it caused nights to almost seem lonelier than it should be. She tucked the baby underneath her chest, arms making a sort of a barricade as it shifted the child between her separated thighs, making a fort out of her body. She looked up at the woman with glistening eyes that were fresh with tears. "I-I'm sorry." Her ears caught the soft sound of her voice as it struggled to not cry but tears had slipped down the soft face. Her mouth gapped open slightly to speak but found no words were able to come out. Eyes watched her try to get away but utterly failed. "...God dammit Madelynn j-just talk to me!" She spat out in a more harsh tone than intended, causing her to shrink against the ground. She didn't like screaming anymore. Didn't like stepping out of her place or not following orders. She had trained herself to be somebody people could walk over in fear she would ever hurt anybody ever again. "Do you know how s-sad I was when I needed you and you w-weren't there after i've always helped you? W-Why weren't you there for me? Why?! We were... we were friends and you.. you... God dammit why?!" She sputtered out as tears quickly slid down her face, falling onto the dirt covered ground. She slammed a fist on the ground, head turning towards the floor as she couldn't bare to look at her companion's face. |
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Notes: Well thanks a lot Amber you screw up <3 |
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Madelynn Hadley
Human
Posts: 20
200x300 avatar: http://i.imgur.com/TCofC5h.jpg?1
Plot: http://free-rein.boards.net/thread/95/reds-little-monsters
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Post by Madelynn Hadley on Feb 16, 2015 0:23:14 GMT
You don’t have to do this on your own, like there’s no one that cares about you.. you don’t have to act like you're alone, like the walls are closing in around you. You don’t have to pretend no one knows like there’s no one that understands you. I’m not just some face you used to know.. I know all about you. And you should know that someone cares about you. I know all about you
Running was what she did best. Separating herself from any negativity should ultimately lead to happiness, right? Wrong. All it had ever done was leave a trail of broken hearts in her wake and a hole in her heart that she feared couldn't ever be filled again. Perhaps it would have been easier for her to live in a cave, then she wouldn't have to watch peoples devastated faces when they realized she'd parted from them. Somehow, she'd end up having to look at them anyways.
The emotions that she'd struggled to keep bottled up for so long began pooling into her eyes in forms of salty tears which ultimately fell onto her chest. In all truth? She didn't have a clue as to why she'd abandoned the woman, other than for her own sanity and safety. And of course, the fact that she couldn't look at her without picturing her without her clothes off. That in itself was a reason to stay away. "I-I" She stammered out of trembling lips, eventually tearing her timid gaze to the woman as she clutched her baby to her chest. There was that disgust again. She didn't even want her child around her for fear she'd 'taint' her, or something of the sort. The woman took another step away, even if she eventually lost the will to stand and slipped down onto the grass. She felt as if the woman had just plunged a dagger into her lungs.
"I-I don't know." She eventually blurted out, her heart nearly pounding out of her chest as she brought her knees to her chest and focused her eyes on the ground. She didn't know why she did half the thing she did, in all honesty. Her habits had long since grown normal. Why would she question what had kept her sane for so long? Perhaps because her entire relationship was on the line. "Lilly I.."
"I.. didn't think you wanted me." The words escaped her mouth in a rasping attempt to keep her feelings under control. But it was as if some unknown force had just shoved them out into the public. Why would a woman such as Lilly need her help. Surely she had many other sane friends to go to. The fact that she needed her was entirely too hard to believe. However guilt still seemed to weigh on her until she wanted to puke. Her stomach flopped in her chest as her eyes slowly lifted. If she wanted the truth? She'd give it to her.
"I can't just forget about us." The woman replied out stiffly. Either she'd just steeled herself to the whole situation or the womans words had caused her moods to flip again. "You want the goddamn truth?" Now her gaze would settle on Lilly as she sat on the earth, watching her tears drop to the ground. "I loved you."
"I can't forget about what we did, and I can't forget my feelings for you, and I certainly can't forget the fact that your goddamn boyfriend held a gun to my chest." Eyes narrowed to slits, though not necessarily out of any ill will to Lilly. Now her pounding heart would beat with a new emotion - anger. "You want to know why I'm so fucking reluctant to be around you? There you go." Casting sight on her clinging to her toddler only caused her rage to rise even further. They had equal part in this little dispute, why was she acting like she was some sort of demon? The trembling woman inside of Madelynn had begun attempting to take hold by this point, internally she was devastated that she'd ever said such things, that part of her wanted to bury herself in the ground.. but it was almost as that 'unknown force' had taken control of her brain as well. "Lets not forget about the fact that you quit talking to me as well. Like you were horrified by me. Please." Now her tone would take on a scoff. "You certainly didn't seem to horrified that night. I'll be completely honest with you. You're certainly not a saint either so quit acting like one."
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Post by CHESHIRE COTTON on Feb 16, 2015 1:02:28 GMT
| Madelynn had lost her chance of Lilly needing her anymore. It would be nice to have her as a friend once more but she didn't need her. She had other friends now. It wasn't just Emmett and Madelynn anymore. Her love had spread to a large variety of people in which who would all support her and help build up her wall of strength and will once more. Madelynn... she was just another person who let her down. Worse than one of her Ex-Boyfriends but still hurt all the while. Watching Madelynn slide down to the soft ground below with saddened eyes, Lilly shifted her weight slightly. "I-I don't know. Lilly I.. I.. didn't think you wanted me." Her bottom lip quivered as she tried to open her mouth to speak. How could Madelynn ever think that? Did she really still doubt their friendship after what they've gone through? "Madelynn... why would you think that?" She asked quietly, voice dropping to a soft murmur beneath her despaired emotions. "I can't forget about us. You want the goddamn truth? I loved you." She fought the widening of her eyes that wanted to happen out of shock and surprise. She didn't think Madelynn still liked her that way. She thought that she had long given up her crush after finding Andrew. "I can't forget about what we did, and I can't forget my feelings for you, and I certainly can't forget the fact that your goddamn boyfriend held a gun to my chest." She blinked wide eyes in surprise. Emmett? But... h-he'd never hurt a woman! Denial wanted to fill her mind and yet... she could remember the Zoo. The way Emmett had gripped her wrist harshly. The bitter thoughts that had plagued his mind. Could he truly hold a grudge that could tip him off the edge to anger and fury? "I..." She squeaked out, voice quiet as she was unable to speak. "You want to know why i'm so fucking reluctant to be around you? There you go." She listened to the pounding of her heart echoing through her ears, even though it wasn't as comforting as Emmett's, she still sought confinement in it. Isolation."Let's not forget about the fact you quit talking to me as well. Like you were horrified by me. Please." Oh no. She didn't have the fucking right to even go there. Like she knew shit about what was going on in her life. Lip twitched in displeasure, eyebrows furrowing as her emotions took a sudden turn. "Don't you fucking dare, Madelynn!" She spat out firmly. "You don't fucking know shit about what's been going on in my life. If you want to stay in my life then you better not put the blame on me. You have no idea how busy I am. Like I have time to go find the hole you crawled into and try to persuade you to be my friend again. I don't have time for your SHIT." She shrieked in anger. Getting Lilly angry wasn't easy but whoopdeedoo Madelynn just did. She was treading on dangerous territory and she wouldn't have any of it. "You certainly didn't seem too horrified that night. I'll be completely honest with you. You're certainly not a saint either so quit acting like one." A snarl ripped from her lips viciously with a cold demeanor to it. "Don't even try. Because you haven't stuck around you don't know what shit I went through. But you lost my trust so like HELL i'm going to tell you know. I'm not a saint. I'm not acting like one, you're only taking it that way. I've cut myself up because I felt dead inside for what I did, I took my punishment but look you've got a nice boyfriend defending you meanwhile I'm on the brink of losing the love of my life and the possibility of my daughters growing up without a Dad. You're fucking lucky, don't try to talk SHIT!" She squealed furiously as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. "You don't understand... you'll never understand. Maybe you should of stayed instead of being a," She felt her frame shaking with anger, her tiny daughter shrinking beneath her in fear of getting hurt. "Coward." |
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Notes: Lilly is going to kill youuuu <3 |
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Madelynn Hadley
Human
Posts: 20
200x300 avatar: http://i.imgur.com/TCofC5h.jpg?1
Plot: http://free-rein.boards.net/thread/95/reds-little-monsters
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Post by Madelynn Hadley on Feb 16, 2015 2:19:48 GMT
You don’t have to do this on your own, like there’s no one that cares about you.. you don’t have to act like you're alone, like the walls are closing in around you. You don’t have to pretend no one knows like there’s no one that understands you. I’m not just some face you used to know.. I know all about you. And you should know that someone cares about you. I know all about you
Her self worth wouldn't have given her the satisfaction of saying that anyone cared for her, let alone Lilly who had so much more going for her. Why would they bother with such a mental case such as herself when there were plenty more stable people around that wouldn't have to go through what she'd just caused the poor woman. She'd probably continue to believe that she was alone.. because she would be, eventually.. depending on how much crap she threw their way. She'd put herself in an impossible situation.. and she wasn't sure anyone would ever understand.
"Because it's true. Because you deserve more than I could ever give you." The woman released a shaky sigh through her lips, attempting to appear strong, if even for a moment.. but everybody knew she was anything but. "I'm fucking crazy, and everybody knows it. I don't know why you're so surprised." She couldn't force her eyes to meet the womans, it was too depressing. To see what she'd caused her.
A cold glint had suddenly took over her eye at Lilly's apparent surprise towards Emmetts little explosion. "Yeah.. your little boyfriend isn't as innocent as you think he is.." The terror of that night came pooling back into her mind and caused her eyes to squeeze shut for several seconds as she faced the ground. "H-he shot at me... if Andrew hadn't have been there.." If that wasn't enough to rock the poor blondes world. Madelynns eyes flashed open, quickly filling with pain. "I thought you knew."
"I'm not putting blame on anyone, hun.. I'm just stating the facts."The next moment the womans anger would part as surprise and devastation met her features, all covered in the bitter pain of being stabbed in the back. It appeared to her as if she were being undermined, insulted, her own problems thrown under the bus. Sure, it was only logical for her to to care for her own feelings..however she didn't have to be so cruel about it. The woman would only confirm her belief that she was indeed, worthless. Tears filled her widened eyes as she searched Lilly carefully. "Just because your wounds are fresh doesn't mean mine are irrelevant." She replied in a eerily quiet tone.
"Lucky." The word echoed off her tongue like a dead weight as her empty eyes settled on the woman in front of her. "Lucky to be a human ragdoll?" It appeared as if the word had struck a nerve. A bitter smile came to her lips as she spat out her sarcasm. "Lucky to be thrown against the wall, beaten, strangled, raped." Her voice became distant. It would have to be to admit such things. "Or maybe lucky to have those memories replay every night in my sleep to the point where a strangers bed is more welcoming than my own." A shaky breath escaped her. "Or maybe I'm lucky to wake up every day wishing I didn't. To be so fucked up that you don't even believe you're worth having friends, let alone a life. I'm worthless." By this point tears were streaming down her cheeks again. "And then there's my blood thirsty boyfriend who tries to rip my throat out whenever he gets pissed." Knees drug closer to her trembling frame. "Lucky. You don't know the half of it."
Eyes squeezed shut as she faced the ground again. There was that word. She was a coward, and she knew it. Though she didn't like hearing it from Lilly. The one who had given her so much strength.. it were those she loved most that had the potential to destroy her. "We're more alike than you know Lilly.." The sudden urge to draw a knife across her smooth skin had leapt up into the front of her mind, but she couldn't.. not now. So she'd grit her teeth and look for the easiest thing, escape.
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Post by CHESHIRE COTTON on Feb 16, 2015 3:19:18 GMT
| Lilly could hardly tell Madelynn she couldn't understand because well truth is, she didn't quite understand herself either. She was so.. so complicated. She wanted to be her own woman, to control herself, to not be seen as some sort of toy robot and yet... she finds comfort in taking commands. Finds safety in the spot she was supposed to play as it pleases people and doesn't create any drama between her relationships. A pushover is what she was now, a change from the fiery young woman she was so long ago.How a person could change so much... if it wasn't for the continuous support she's gained she wouldn't be here. She would of long killed herself out of frustration, devastation, guilt, sorrow, and the fact she was derived of her innocence long ago. And now she was too afraid to even talk about it in fear that life would come bite her in the ass and make it happen to her again just to watch her suffer. Isn't that what it loved to do anyways? Most of the time she couldn't catch a break, too busy to try."Because it's true. Because you deserve more than I could ever give you." She softly shook her head. "But.. you didn't have to leave me. I needed you and you... you weren't there." She whispered quietly as she fought the tightening of her chest as well as the sore throbbing in her back from her medical issue. It didn't like being stuck in one position for too long. "I'm fucking crazy, and everybody knows it. I don't know why you're so surprised." She offered a small smile of reassurance to the broken woman. "Being crazy isn't bad... Takes one to know one, right? I'm pretty insane too to be honest. Life likes to bite me in the ass.""Yeah.. your little boyfriend isn't as innocent as you think he is.. H-He shot at me... if Andrew hadn't have been there.." She sucked in a sharp breath through gritted teeth before putting on a blank expression. She would still love Emmett... this didn't change anything. He could be murderous, could be bloodthirsty like Andrew, but she'd always see the good in him. They just need time adjusting to what has happened and settle in for a good ride. "I thought you knew." She shook her head. "No.. he didn't tell me. But at least you're okay." She answered bluntly except towards the end where she showed some form of affection."I'm not putting blame on anyone, hun.. I'm just stating the facts." Pupils slitted in a fiery sort of way, anger and rage bubbling up. The same emotions she had buried long ago to help build up her life after it had crumpled beneath her feet. "Don't call me that." She snapped back. "Facts that you don't know shit about." She growled back like some sort of canine had long settled in her throat and taken her over, setting animal instincts inside her heart, making it dark and cracked. More than it already was at least."Just because your wounds are fresh doesn't mean mine are irrelevant." Oh the motherly instincts she had developed was now paying its price. She felt an arrow strikes through her soul at the thought of Madelynn ever thinking that she didn't care about her pain. "No... M-Madelynn I'm sorry..." She quietly answered as she once again shrank back on the ground like the good little puppy she was. "Lucky. Lucky to be a human ragdoll?" She listened silently as regret washed over her face like a tidal wave, coating her features. "Lucky to be thrown against the wall, beaten, strangled, raped." A choke was caught in her throat. Rape... the word she hated with all her soul and heart, body and mind was damaged because of it. Eyes flew wide with terror and... the feeling of understanding behind it's glassy border. Memories flooded back, flashing through her very own eyes. She saw the dim lights. She felt cold air draping over her body like a blanket as she felt a bed underneath her skin but it wasn't enough to warm her terror. She saw the scruffy faces of strangers. She could feel the fear still settled in the pit of her stomach like it had only happened yesterday. She could remember the beatings, the whips, the chains, the knives. Eyes snapped close as she choked back a sob."Or maybe lucky to have those memories replay every night in my sleep to the point where a strangers bed is more welcoming than my own. Or maybe i'm lucky to wake up every day wishing I didn't. To be so fucked up that you don't even believe you're worth having friends, let alone a life. I'm worthless." She felt her orbs slowly open once more, a sense of empathy, sympathy, and proficiency in pain and rape. The feeling of having memories flood back every morning where you wake up scared even though the sun is shining in your eyes. Where being pressed up against another person's body was as close as you could ever get to forgetting your memories. If anybody was worthless... it was Lilly. The weakest person that couldn't handle one event without crumbling into a mess if nobody was around to catch her before her security could break and cause a wave of tears to fall like a river. She could hardly help even now. All she could do was take care of kids and do work in hopes it would make her family's life better. To become a dog and follow Emmett's wishes to make him happy. To be such a pushover that it seemed almost pointless as to what to do anymore. "We're more alike than you know Lilly.." She frowned as a sleeve wiped away the salty liquid flooding her eyes. "No... No I know. Madelynn... I was raped too. Not by just one person either. They were... customers of sorts. Had to please them for another man's business only to be beat down when I was disobedient. Madelynn.. t-they hurt me so much." She broke down into a shaking fit of sobs as the wounds came tumbling back onto her heart. "I still have the scars. I have the whip marks on my back. I have the gashes, and I have to wake up remembering all of it. I still have the nightmares.. and.... i'm so scared. So scared of losing everything I have if I step out of line...." She cried as she sat on her knees, hugging the still scared child. |
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Madelynn Hadley
Human
Posts: 20
200x300 avatar: http://i.imgur.com/TCofC5h.jpg?1
Plot: http://free-rein.boards.net/thread/95/reds-little-monsters
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Post by Madelynn Hadley on Feb 17, 2015 5:37:30 GMT
You don’t have to do this on your own, like there’s no one that cares about you.. you don’t have to act like you're alone, like the walls are closing in around you. You don’t have to pretend no one knows like there’s no one that understands you. I’m not just some face you used to know.. I know all about you. And you should know that someone cares about you. I know all about you
Madelynn was well aware of what she'd done. She always was. In most cases however.. she'd long forgotten about that person in particular, so that the consequences of her actions had long breezed over her. But now there was no way she could have forgotten Lilly, or her feelings. The woman knew that she'd left her. But she'd been threatened, on top of the fact that she was unaware that Lilly had even wanted her help after what they'd done. "Lilly you don't seem to understand." Madelynn replied in somewhat of a pleading tone, eyebrows curving. This was all new to her. How could the Lilly even want to look at her anymore? Let alone ask for her help. That was a completely foreign topic. "He threatened me. I can't just ignore a threat to my life..to go after somebody that I didn't think ever wanted to see me again."
Under the circumstances, Lilly shouldn't have wanted to see her again. Some might have even taken their little encounter as her trying to take advantage of the poor woman. She should have been furious, betrayed, and lord knows she was disgusted. How could she ever expect her to view her as anything other than what she truly was.. a whore? It hardly made any sense that she'd even want help from the woman that had helped her screw her life up.
Being crazy isn't bad. The words wormed their way up into her skull like some unpleasant little parasite. It wasn't true. It'd never be true. Her form of crazy had only ever caused her pain and heartache. Endless amounts of suffering that would make the average human crack. However coming from Lilly.. she'd accept it. The brunette had missed her gentle voice. Her reassuring voice that could seemingly make anything seem alright. A shaky sigh trailed from her lips, eyes casting downwards momentarily. Before long her gaze would cut upward again to send the woman a skeptical look. "There's nothing insane about you, Lilly. You'll heal, with time. You're stronger than I am."
It seemed the womans' strong demeanor was slipping by the wayside, and fast. Tumbling into some sort of dark little tunnel that she didn't want to go down.. however it was too late. She was there. "Don't worry about it." The woman replied bitterly, jaw clenching as she absently tugged at the grass beside her. Nobody gives a shit. Maybe Andrew on a good day. But deep down, nobody would take the time to save her sorry ass. She could only save herself. Everybody was selfish, it was only in human nature. It had only taken Lilly a while for her true self to come out. "You're completely right, and you have every reason to say what you feel."
And now she'd crash. The apparent attempt to hold her feelings in, to grow numb to the topic, hadn't worked. The 'wall' the woman had worked so hard to put up to protect herself was being ripped apart, bit by bit. The darkness began winding it's way through her, attaching a negative memory to each positive one, bringing about the nightmares that had plagued her for so long. Except now she had no where to hide. Not with Andrew, not a bed, or in the comfort of a knife. The woman was exposed, aching, with tears now flowing freely from her face. What the hell had she just done?
She wasn't strong enough to handle her own mind. Not again. It was as if every little memory had cut fresh wounds in her already scarred flesh. The pain was only about as clear as if it had happened yesterday. A tremble started in her finger tips, skin growing cold as her bodies way of attempting to protect itself. But it couldn't anymore. Heart raced as she buried her forehead in her knees, shaking her head slowly as if attempting to shake the thoughts from her mind. Lilly's quiet voice met her ears once again, briefly breaking through the cloud in her mind, however shortly. The woman looked up with her wide and pained eyes, hardly hearing her words over her own rampant heart rate.
She'd almost forgotten the woman had gone through a similar experience. Her eyes widened even further with devastation. No matter how awful she felt herself, she had to find someway to comfort the sweet woman. Lilly was much more of a priority to her than herself. Numbly the woman would extend a trembling hand to reach out in attempt to touch her shoulder, however hesitantly. "I-I know they did." She rasped out in some sort of squeak, a combination of the tears and her inability to think properly would cause her to sound like.. well, shit. Her normally silky voice would slip into the mush, just about the same as her brain at that moment in time. "It's okay now, hun.. they can't get to you now.. I..Emmett won't let anything happen to you."
However short her attempt at reaching out to the woman would be, she would soon retract her hand and squeeze her eyes shut. Lilly had her child to comfort her. She didn't need her help. Madelynn also didn't need to compare herself to Lilly, not when her friend was feeling pain. Yet even so she found her own pictures dancing in front of her mind. The shadowy room, her all too familiar mattress that would soon feel like a prison. The man in which she thought she loved pinning her, wrapping his large hands around her neck. Feeling the life slip from her as she'd whisper out, "If you're going to kill me get it over with." Though he never would. That would only defeat his entire purpose for being there. Though how she'd wish he would have.
A sob wracked the womans body as she shook her head repeatedly. "I'm sorry.. so sorry." Sorry couldn't even begin to cover what she'd put Lilly through. Again she'd find herself anchoring herself onto the blondes every word, mainly for her own sanity. No matter how painful her speech was, it was better than being tugged into her thoughts. From the mention of Lilly's scars Madelynn could only glance up at her with a slightly incredulous look. I know. The brunette would recall every scar, every little nick, every curve to her precious form. That was information no friend should retain.. however she'd never forget it. Those intimate memories would surface as well now, immediately causing her to return her gaze to the ground. Recalling her fingers gliding over the womans soft, yet damaged skin. A shiver rippled down her spine and she soon buried her forehead into her knees again. As if that could pull her away from her involuntary primal urges.
The whole situation was fucked up. Oh how she wished to be rid of her thoughts. She found it hard to believe she'd ever be able to have a normal relationship with the poor woman. "I-I'm so sorry Lilly..." She wanted to rise to her feet, to run to Andrew yet she couldn't find the mental capacity to stand. She couldn't hardly breath through the pain in her chest, and now the strong urge for alcohol would fill her every thought. That would be the only escape. "You'll come out of this. I know you will. But you don't need me .. I'll only drag you down. You've got Emmett.. a-and so many others."
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You say it's alright and i know that it's a lie, from the black in your eyes
Tag: @lillyhoovai Notes: WEll then. Things are quite dark today aren't they. |
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Lilly Starbroke Pierce
Manipulator
Posts: 54
200x300 avatar: http://orig01.deviantart.net/8cf0/f/2015/325/7/1/ff356dbf_4383_4252_b1e4_82f3b038b8f6_zps1hbrov26_by_xanimalgirl345667x-d9hknc3.jpg
App: http://free-rein.boards.net/thread/58/lilly-hoovai-cottnip
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Post by Lilly Starbroke Pierce on Feb 20, 2015 2:31:37 GMT
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"Lilly you don't seem to understand. He threatened me. I can't just ignore a threat to my life.. to go after somebody that I didn't think ever wanted to see me again." Now the usual snappy girl would tell her if she didn't want the drama then she shouldn't of slept with her in the first place but we all know it wasn't just her. Not that the blonde woman had control of herself in the first place. "I understand, Madelynn." She grunted weakly as a hard gaze set in her eyes. "I don't need to be told twice. I know that Emmett threatened you." She replied as she glanced away to look down at the frightened and confused baby between her arms. Her head bent down to plant a reassuring kiss on the top of her daughter's head. "The only one telling you that you're not worthy is yourself. You could think that you're the worst person ever but have you actually thought of what you've only done? All you've tried to do is push us away but... if you want real friends then you've found them. Because true friends don't leave others just because the other one is afraid of connections. You're a better friend then you know. You provide understanding, kindness, somebody to confide in when things get tough. You don't have any faith in yourself because you're scared."
Lilly knew fully well of how Madelynn doubted herself as a good friend but that wasn't necessarily true. Sure she had depression problems but she gave the feeling of another person able to understand you when you're sad or lonely. It was just a good trait for others but a bad one for her. She was so.. so saddened. So regretful that she's scared enough to push everyone away in fear. Fear of what? She didn't quite know yet.
"There's nothing insane about you, Lilly. You'll heal, with time. You're stronger than I am." Now that's where Madelynn was wrong. Lilly wasn't strong. Could hardly call it that to be honest. Unable to help herself, so dependent on others to help her that it's grown to almost a habit. She needed other people to pick her up when she's fallen. And the insane part? She was wrong about that too. She was completely mental. Now this has been unrevealed but... the woman hears voices. And not the thoughts of others, but whispers of sadness, doubt, regret. It was like a ghost that followed her. "....You're wronger than you could ever imagine." Lilly answered as soft eyes looked up to her. "I'm not strong. I used to be but now... at every little bump in the road I crumple. I depend on others to help me. I follow orders now without a word of defiance. I'm crazier than you could know.... I hear voices, and not the ones from your thoughts. I'm so mental Madelynn..." She answered with a light hearted smile, as if it was comforting her in a way to grin at her problems like they were just a big joke.
"Don't worry about it. You're completely right, and you have every reason to say what you feel." Deep down, Lilly wasn't the fiery and sassy girl everybody thought of her as. Just some scared little person that called out for help but it fell on deaf ears. She couldn't tell anybody about her problems. They wouldn't understand her pain. But... Madelynn did. "No... No I don't." She replied, in a stern voice that was directed more to herself. "I don't have a right to have comfort. I shouldn't be talking shit about my emotions. You're the one caught in the middle of this. I was just... stupid and weak enough to let myself subduct underneath my amnesia and my broken mind that I just... crumpled. I wasn't in control at the time.... it's.. it's complicated." She answered as the lump in her throat seemingly went away as well as the stress she had pent up for so long. "My mind has a way of protecting me. And in this case it... it kind of shut down in a way. With my memories gone it had nothing to build off of and... well it kind of made somebody who wasn't me... I know it sounds like bullshit but... it's the truth. I didn't even know what was going on until a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't right in the head." She let out a soft sigh of relief of talking about her problems even though to be honest she didn't deserve it. This was her fault in the first place.
Being kidnapped was hard, so was getting amnesia and being raped. But what was harder was watching your friend cry and you can't do anything about it. Bronze eyes watched the delicate woman drip tears from her own gaze, making a frown curl onto her lips. Closing her orbs briefly to allow her dark memories to flow despite what normal people would do, they would fight it, but she couldn't. Didn't have the strength to and rather than try to push it back only to make it harder, she allowed it to break free of her mind's walls. And suddenly her soul was transported to another place.
Lilly felt herself being pushed against the wall with a grunt. Bronze orbs weakly opened, fluttering to allow her gaze to look at the new person who had entered her room. She saw the scruffy face, the groomed hair accompanied by the professional outfit. Squeezing her eyes shut as she felt warmth spreading through her face, transferred through a forced kiss. Tears welled in her eyes but she swallowed it down as she knew what would happen should the client not be satisfied. Her breathing was shaky but quiet as to not alert this man of her true emotions. He didn't deserve to know anyway. He was too sickening for his own good. Legs were suddenly being lifted off the ground as arms wrapped around her briefly. She tried to imagine them as Emmett's but couldn't find the same comfort and safety in them. Her slender frame was thrown onto a soft mattress, the wind slightly knocking out of her lungs briefly-
A hand snapped her out of her deep dark mind. Bronze orbs snapped open as she realized she had begun shaking violently in fear. Eyes fluttered briefly before looking around to spot the feminine fingers upon her shoulders. Releasing a breath of relief through her nose, she looked gratefully to her companion with a small smile. "I-I know they did. It's okay now, hun.. they can't get to you know.. I.. Emmett won't let anything happen to you." Emmett... she didn't deserve his protection. Why bother him when he was the one who got hurt? She was the one who caused his pain so she had no right to expect anything from him. Lilly slowly shook her head before hesitantly reaching forward to wrap her frail arms around her friend in a hug.
"I'm sorry.. so sorry." Cries filled her form, shaking it like she was a rag doll that had been waiting to be thrown around by the grabby hands of emotions. "I know." The faint memories bubbled on the surface of her thoughts. Feeling the soft blankets underneath her crooked back, brushing against the slit skin on her shoulder blades. Teeth bit her bottom lip to make some blood dribble from the skin. Heat weakly rose to her facial features but found nothing attractive in it... only sorrow and regret. "I-I'm so sorry Lilly... You'll come out of this. I know you will. but you don't need me.. I'll only drag you down. You've got Emmett.. a-and so many others." Looking up to her face with tears sliding down her precious face, a frown darkening her features. "T-They wouldn't understand..." |
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Madelynn Hadley
Human
Posts: 20
200x300 avatar: http://i.imgur.com/TCofC5h.jpg?1
Plot: http://free-rein.boards.net/thread/95/reds-little-monsters
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Post by Madelynn Hadley on Feb 20, 2015 7:34:05 GMT
We're just fumbling through the grey, trying find a heart that's not walking away. Turn the lights down low, walk these halls alone. We can feel so far from so close like ships in the night. You keep passing me by, we're just wasting time trying to prove who's right. And if it all goes crashing into the sea, if it's just you and me trying to find the light.. like ships in the night
Scared was an understatement. Logically she knew her life was fine, at the moment. She had a man that cared for her, that's all a woman could ever want right? But she wanted more than what he could give her. She needed a friend.. one who was going to put up with her crap. She needed Lilly. However the 'what if's' would plague her mind endlessly, playing at her worst fears until ultimately they became true. She'd end up pushing the people she was close to away for fear of what, that'd they'd leave anyway? Or perhaps that they'd end up hurting her? She had all reasons to believe that they would. But, at the moment she would be too distracted to focus on the details of her cluttered mind.
True friend. Lilly's voice echoed in her mind like some sort of broken record, her only reaction would be for her jaw slacken ever so slightly, while a trembling and cold hand drug itself through her hair. The woman soon found that she couldn't look at the person in front of her in a mixture of utter shock and bitter disbelief. Even when the compliments were given to her she would refuse to believe them. "Lilly, I.."
Relationships to her, up until this point, had only been series of disasters. Abuse, betrayal, abandonment. It was hard to not take such things personally. Who was there to blame but herself? She'd only become what those awful people had told her she was - worthless. She had no reason to believe anything different, not until Andrew had come along and showed her that she was actually a human, not some lump of flesh. Even so, Andrew was a fucking monster..she loved him to pieces, but a monster regardless. What did that say about her? There was obviously something wrong with her. In her mind, she'd be protecting those she loved just by keeping herself away. Obviously Lilly wouldn't get that mentality. Eventually the brunette's voice would seem to fade as she returned her watering eyes to the slender woman. "I didn't mean to abandon you." Madelynn was a pathetic specimen, in all honesty. But at least she tried. Some sort of emotion pooled up into her eyes, as she searched the woman's features intently. Affection, love? Even she wouldn't know what to call it. But somewhere inside her she was grateful for the once-blonde. "T-thank you?" If only everyone in the world was like Lilly. Perhaps she wouldn't have had to resort to such a mess.
Lilly could have turned into a drooling vegetable and she still would have loved her, however. Perhaps not a sort of romantic love, that had long passed. What remained was an unyielding adoration that only grew within her presence. Some form of attachment that she could only have perceived as love, she wasn't even sure what to call it herself. Madelynn would shake her head slowly with each claim. They might have been true, but admitting would only cause her to lose hope. Her jaw set with her normal stubborn nature, meeting her friends much gentler gaze with one of determination. "You wouldn't be human if you didn't stumble, Lilly." She insisted, eventually allowing an empty little smirk to rise on her features. "I don't give a flying fuck if you hear voices.. I'll still love you." However it would seem that her words wouldn't hold any further depth than admiration. If they did, it wouldn't show. "It's the little things that matter. Every god damn day you get up, you put on a smile, fight those urges.. that's strength." Now her voice would waver, crumpling back up into a cracking mess as a lump formed in her throat. Madelynn couldn't even manage to do that some days. She'd long since succumbed to her own habits. Perhaps Lilly hadn't yet gotten that far involved. "I see it. Why won't you?"
Though underneath Madelynn's apparent comfort towards being around the woman again it soon became aware to her, that even despite her attempts to deny it, that'd she'd blatantly taken advantage of her. The sinking feeling of guilt flip flopped in her already queasy stomach, causing her lips to purse as she turned her gaze to the ground. Lilly had needed her most when they were at that bar, needed some form of direction, but what did she do? She went and allowed the woman to get drunk so she could sleep with her. Sure, she hadn't intended for it to happen, but it had nonetheless. Therefore she would only be guilty of taking advantage of her. Her eyes widened in slight shock and disgust towards herself. To top it all off she'd pushed the woman away, using their little excursion as an excuse. Was she really that fucked up in the mind? She had the sudden urge to run yet again, fingers curling up around the grass they sat in. Even worse, she wanted to vomit (and not just because she was pregnant). Oh how awful she was. How could Lilly even stand to be around her?
"Shut up." She interjected rather harshly, that determination rolling back around, despite the fact that all the while her chest ached with her own self pity. "You're not weak and you have nothing to feel guilty about. It was my damn responsibility to take care of you and I failed you. End of story. I should have been there. I should have protected you.." Now frustration would light up, tears stringing down her cheeks.
Through her own internal mess she would still find the strength to glance over and notice her friends all too familiar expression. Huddled against the memories that had obviously threatened to take over her mind. She knew it all too well, and seeing Lilly like it was devastating. However it was hard enough looking at her without thinking of them in bed, reaching out for reassurance would only worsen that. To put it bluntly, she didn't know what the hell to do. Luckily it seemed her little form of connection worked for her. A small breath of relief slipped from her nose, even if it was short lived.. she knew how this game went. Without some form of constant stimulation the woman would go insane.. well, a lot like her. Drinking, drugs, sex, cutting. She'd take sanctuary in one of them. Luckily for Lilly sex seemed to be out of the question. At least she'd keep her relationship intact that way. She couldn't say the same for herself.
Eventually through the sudden silence Madelynn found the woman's slender arms slip around her trembling form. A jolt of some sort of emotion shot through her, followed by the inevitable flashing of those pesky memories that would probably never fade from her mind (who could forget something like that). Immediately a sharp breath caught in her throat as her muscles went rigid. The mix of the pleasurable and guilt ridden thoughts, as well as the fear of Emmett, melted her brain into a puddle of mush. Which consequently caused her to freeze like some sort of prey animal. "Lilly." She warned in a sort of reminder, squeezing her eyes shut against the warmth of the little embrace, however that would only facilitate more brooding so they would quickly flicker open again. Besides the fact that it would seem to be much too soon, she didn't believe she deserved any sort of affection. Oh but how the hug would calm her so. She reluctantly steeled herself to the idea that the hug wasn't for her, but for Lilly. Madelynn clenched her jaw and hesitantly found her own arms surround her friend, flattening her palm against the blondes upper back and rubbing it soothingly. "You'll be okay." She whispered though the heavy lump in her throat, which would only pass as a sob eventually found it's way out of her.
It was devastating, to say the slightest, that Lilly felt (understandably) such a way about their moment. But it would only lead for a highly awkward situation down the line. Knowing that she'd caused Lilly that much pain for her own benefit (of sorts). Again her selfish nature had taken hold and put her own need for closure above her friends issues. And what had she gotten? A friend who believed she'd abandoned her and some confusing memories that would only send her further into a guilt trip and depression. It would have been so much easier if Lilly had just enjoyed it. If they'd both forgotten about their dedication to the Pierces, to not give a shit about what they felt. However these would only be wishful thoughts....those men were their lives.
Chances were there weren't many others in her life that had been through that same situation as they had..even so it would have been a lot easier to comfort her if her mind hadn't jumped into the gutter every five seconds. And to think that her own fiance couldn't provide her with support (what good was he anyways?) was kind of unbelievable. Nonetheless she'd nod and slowly break from their embrace, laying a hand on her shoulder instead as she searched the woman's features. By this point the brunette just wanted to crawl into her own bed and weep into Andrews shoulder for days. "They haven't been through what we have." She slowly agreed, voice hoarse. "I.. need you."
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Like ships in the night You keep passing me by, We're just wasting time Trying to prove who's right Tag: Lilly Starbroke Pierce Note: THESE TWO ARE TOO PERFECT KILL ME NOW |
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