Lilly Starbroke Pierce
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Posts: 54 
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Post by Lilly Starbroke Pierce on Feb 22, 2015 1:37:41 GMT
| Lilly wasn't exactly the easiest person to understand. She was a puzzle that had about a million pieces to put it but nobody had the patience to put it together themselves. They left her undone, unfinished, unsolved. Never to be understood by another and even if they could they had a hard time believing it or she couldn't tell them. There were only so few damaged people who could stick out like a sore thumb and the others were hidden. Camoflauged in their disguises of pain. She wasn't one of those. She was clearly still struggling with getting control of her stability and emotions. Sometimes comfort was all she needed. But who would offer comfort to a woman whose problems were all caused by herself?Getting two horses to increase the chances of having little to no extra money, being kidnapped, crumbling, getting amnesia, it was all her fault. Even tying Emmett to their two children so even if he wanted to leave, the fact of leaving their daughters without a parent was too full of guilt to ever do it. She was so regretful. So guilty. Even now when she should be happy that she was engaged, she wasn't. She had the possibility of another man's child in her stomach but she was too afraid to take Emmett and this Cole man to take a paternity test in fear Emmett would remember her accidental disloyalty and lose his top. She loved him so much and causing him pain was too great with guilt. How could he even love her after this? Was he really this loyal and trusting? Or was their tie to their twins too much?She needed stress relief. Running away from problems wasn't her thing most of the time. The woman quietly grieved in her heart and soul. She was so weak. So pathetic. It had been weeks since the two had resolved their problems but she was far from moving on. She just needed comfort and reassurance to allow herself to even begin to forgive herself. She had become the thing she hated most. A cheater. An alcoholic. She hated people who did one night stands, it was unsanitary and disgusting. She used to be uncomfortable about sex and now the fact she was okay with it only made her worry about herself and how far she had gone.Lilly threw on a jacket, tied her dark brown dyed hair into a pony tail and set off with her pup, Macy. She made her way to the secluded Jogging trails with her pale hands shoved into her pockets. The weight in her abdomen was growing by the week. She was maybe 4 or 6 weeks pregnant now, and she looked chubby. But she hardly cared as long as the child was healthy and growing. However her blood loss from cutting herself up and the lack of nutrients might of already killed it. Bronze eyes looked to the dirt ground, converses shuffling along the ground with her trusty chihuahua by her side. She released a breath as her arms wrapped over her chest. Her heart felt broken and heavy, but it was slowly building itself up. Patching in the holes and the crumpled structure of what was. Her arm reached up to wipe some tears from her eyes. She felt so regretful. So guilty. And she had a right to be. It wasn't every day she got to relive Emmett looking at her like a monster, finding him coated in blood, feeling unworthy of his presence let alone being engaged to him. She didn't deserve him anymore. He deserved so much more but she couldn't push him away. Her lustful desires to hold him close was far too big, so she'd accept his affection anyway. But she felt... sinful while doing it. Someone like her hadn't earned anything she was given.Macy paced alongside her mother, thin ears flicked forward as eager brown eyes stared ahead. Ever since Lilly came back from her disappearance she's been acting strange. She always reeked of depression, a dull and grieving shine to her eyes. Her smile seemed less happier in an unnatural demeanor. She seemed to be... distant even. Not to the pets of course but to humans. Animals seemed to bring her comfort in a way human beings couldn't. Loyalty was something that was hard to gain but even harder to lose. She glanced up at the dark haired woman before staring ahead when she heard a large thump. She immediately slammed her paws into the ground before whipping around to spot that she had collapsed on the ground. Eyebrows curved upwards before rushing to her aid like she could die at any given moment.Lilly had crumpled to her knees, tears welling in her eyes. She was bombarded by a puppy licking at her cheeks. "M-Macy.." She squeaked out before hugging the small canine into her scarred arms. She buried her face into the dark pelt as she wept. How could she even deserve anything she was given? Becoming something you hate wasn't easy. Hurting the ones you love most was even harder. How could she have so much but she earned so little of it? She couldn't tell anybody her true feelings. She didn't have the right to complain. This was all her fault and she couldn't dump all her problems onto every one else. They had already helped her so much, she couldn't bare to make them worry. Acting like she was happy was better for them but it was hard bottling up her emotions all day. It seemed her and her fiance had another thing in common. They both pushed their own needs and wishes away for each other but only to have outbursts that quite frankly wasn't healthy for them. She was crying because of it and Emmett would get fresh scars for that reason. They were so similar yet so different. Even if she told him about her emotions she couldn't do it without breaking down, feeling guilty, neither could he understand her confusion and grief. There were only 2 people who could help... who could save her from herself. |
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Notes: Tagged: @quintinainsworth |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2015 3:47:58 GMT
we pick ourselves It was just... Pain. He didn't understand how people purely expected him not to notice it, to ignore it. And the truth was, if someone was to ask him what exactly was the thing hurting him. But if it wasn't himself that he was hurting, then it was everyone around him, and the worst part was that there was nobody to blame for it. No matter how much people claimed to care, somehow he could never find comfort in mankind. He was just a broken mess; he knew that, but somehow never found it within himself to attempt to fix it. He didn't think he was worth fixing. No, he wasn't fucking fine; they seemed to expect him just to bounce back, but the truth was, he couldn't. It came and went, like waves on the seashore. Dark spells of depression and horrible spurts of sanity. There was no going back to how he used to be; this was how he always had been. What was it about this place that made people suddenly notice him? He hated the place, but somehow he found himself unable to leave, as if it had captivated him somehow. He didn't know what he was supposed to do with himself, or how he was supposed to feel on a day to day basis. It was all so much of a mess; with newfound abilities to top off the self-hatred, he felt as if he was becoming more of a monster than a man. The white buck that was apparently inside him did nothing to assist with any of his problems; what was a deer in the midths of Los Angeles supposed to do with its life, anyway?
Lilly and Gwen. They were his first and foremost thoughts; he needed them, likely so much more than they could even begin to comprehend. They were the only friends he had in the world, quite literally. He'd never meant to depend them, on anyone, quite as much as he did, but it was something that he couldn't stop. He had nobody else he was able to turn to; nobody else cared beyond a 'whats wrong?'. It was undoubtedly a difficult thing to explain, his need to be around them, to protect them, to comfort them; unlike anything he'd experienced prior to this city. It was odd how a change of scenery could eventually result to so much.
He knew he had been ignoring Archaic, the ashen mongrel, much more than he likely should have been. Sure, he'd kept up with the basic necessities of walks, feeding, and keeping the dog hydrated, but that was about the extent of his affection towards the canid. Their bond had been near shattered by his own constant disappearances; they'd drifted apart, and stopped paying much attention to each other aside from a few sideways glances. The mongrel didn't deserve all the man's shit, that was more sure; thus, he had decided that it was high time to take the dog on one of the trails, as they used to from time to time. Maybe it could rejuvenate some of the old spirit within them both.
Clothed in the usual formal attire (which had become pretty much characteristic at this point), the man easily slipped out the door, the ashen mongrel trailing his legs closely. He met the inquisitive gaze of the dog with a gentle smile, hesitating briefly. "How's about heading up to the trails, hm?" The enthusiastic bark from the canid was point enough, the pair continuing along the street, heading up towards the trails. The mongrel was able to walk leadless, for Quintin knew he would stick by his side, as usual.
When they finally did arrive at the trails, the darkened canid darted on ahead, easily dashing out of each of the dishevelled man (not that the guy needed to reach for him, anyway). Though, it hardly took long for the mongrel to grow hesitant, audits perking forward at the sound of faint cries just over the crest of a hill. With the presence of another, he immediately crept forward to investigate, crimson-hued irises peering over at the frail form, instantly recognising her crumpled frame. The fuck is she doing here? A questioning snort left the brute of a mongrel, surveying the familiar woman carefully, before trotting over to her, gently nosing at her arm in a somewhat inquisitive fashion, otherwise ignoring the smaller canid.
It didn't take long at all for the avian-like man to appear nearby, his brow furrowing as soon as he caught sight of the mongrel and the sobbing woman. "A-archaic, l-leave the w-woman al-..." Only then did he register the identity behind the woman, aquamarine irises widening, heart flooding with a wave of emotion, moving swiftly over to the woman, he sunk to her level and instinctively furled his arms around her. He didn't know why, but the dramatic impulse to comfort the woman completely overpowered all other senses. This was Lilly. This was his (not technically, but the way he viewed it) Lilly, crumpled, broken. He couldn't bear to see her like this, not at all. His heart sunk in his chest, throbbing with emotion. "... Shh, it's alright. Lilly, I'm here, I'm here... You remember me, right?" He questioned carefully, aware of her ordeal with the amnesia incident. Still, his arms remained around her sobbing frame, eyes wide as he looked upon her.
undone |
MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0 |
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Lilly Starbroke Pierce
Manipulator
Posts: 54
200x300 avatar: http://orig01.deviantart.net/8cf0/f/2015/325/7/1/ff356dbf_4383_4252_b1e4_82f3b038b8f6_zps1hbrov26_by_xanimalgirl345667x-d9hknc3.jpg
App: http://free-rein.boards.net/thread/58/lilly-hoovai-cottnip
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Post by Lilly Starbroke Pierce on Feb 22, 2015 4:51:33 GMT
| Lilly was too dependent for her own good. Leaning on people for support had become a nasty habit of hers, so when she stayed away from others and nobody was there to catch her did she make a sound? Or was she just some background noise in the white sounds of everybody else? Needing people was her habit when all humans had done for her was cause her to become... well a mistake. But who was to blame except for herself? That was the problem being her. Being surrounded by loved ones yet so alone to deal with her pain. She danced alone in an empty room, darkness creeping in at every corner rapidly to consume her. Hopefully her light would come back to show itself.
The woman couldn't find it in herself to fix her problems. She has the strength to inside of her but being created and molded into the obedient mother, fiance, and friend she should of been all along wasn't easy to make strength with it. She had forced herself into the form of a trained dog in some senses. Following wishes and desires like some sick slave was what she thought of herself as. A disgusting and vile creature that slithered the earth in the form of a midget woman. Small enough to match her equally pathetic soul. Oh such little time but so many ways to change. Going from the tough cookie, to the crying moody girl, to the pregnant woman, now to the weak girl that screamed silently for help as it fell on deaf ears.
Like a volcano experiment that was shaken into a bottle, she was letting her emotions bubble and rise beneath her scarred self. She tried to keep them down. Tried to contain them in fear of accidentally stepping out of her place and losing everything she worked so hard to gain. Outbursts were the normal now. Tears seemed to become a trait. Her scars were apart of her. The longing look in her gaze had seemed to be apart of her appearance, glued itself to her even. Longing for what? Peace, quiet, no drama, love, happiness. Being happy was hard. But keeping it was even harder. There were a lot of things that was hard to keep. Her dignity, innocence, her smile. Weak and fake ones were the only ones that seemed to light her face from time to time.
Her arm felt nuzzling and nudging against her arm. Her eyes fluttered open in surprise as it was much larger than Macy's lean snout. She glanced down to see the dark and yet familiar canine. She blinked a couple of times in surprise, tears sliding down her soft cheeks. "A-Archaic?" She breathed out quietly. Then the sound of knees and thighs sliding against the dirt was caught in her ears. Muscles tensed up as her mind jumped to the thought that someone was trying to kidnap her once more. Suddenly pale arms was wrapped around her, and her hands snapped off of Macy to release the chihuahua onto the ground in surprise. A soft yelp escaped her in surprise, eyes squeezing shut.... but this touch was familiar. It as comforting. It felt safe, almost like home.
Bronze eyes slowly flickered open to look at the pale features in front of her. Glimmering gaze searched the familiar face of her dear friend. Thank god she didn't have the ability to sleep with him because he seemed to not let anybody in and that would be extremely awkward. Plus he already knew she had kids with another man so that was good she didn't run into him during her amnesia or vice versa. Shaky breathing puffed out of her nose as she stared in disbelief. "...Shh, it's alright. Lilly, i'm here, i'm here..." The tears flowed freely now. His words... they were so comforting. But the scary thing was.. they were so foreign. So unusual to her heart. A sob wracked her body, making her frame shake violently. "You remember me, right?" She slowly nodded her lean head. She swallowed the hard lump sitting in the back of her throat. "Y-Yes..." She answered before she wrapped her arms around his scrawny form. The woman buried her face into his shoulder as she muffled her wails. Comforting hugs were unusual at this point, hugs of affection or gratitude was more what she was used to but they were so numb due to the fact she felt she didn't earn them for shit. She was so fucked up she didn't deserve the hugs she was given. Let alone affectionate gestures in general. |
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Notes: It's okay  take the time you need dearie :3 Tagged: @quintinainsworth |
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take the time you need dearie :3