Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2015 21:01:01 GMT
[googlefont="Patrick Hand SC"]
Hayden C. Sherwood
Basic Information
Nicknames: NA
Age: 17 years old
Birthday: 17 November
Gender: Male
Orientation: Closeted Gay
Hometown: Charlotte, North Carolina
Job: Unemployed
Species: Human
Face Claim: Louis Tomlinson
Recent Character: This is my first
Age: 17 years old
Birthday: 17 November
Gender: Male
Orientation: Closeted Gay
Hometown: Charlotte, North Carolina
Job: Unemployed
Species: Human
Face Claim: Louis Tomlinson
Recent Character: This is my first
Essential Information
Appearance: Hayden is quite pixie-like in appearance: short, cute, and not at all intimidating. He stands at about five feet and six inches tall and his weight is... well, it's going down, and quickly, but he hides his bones under baggy clothes and oversized hoodies that make him look all cute and cuddly. His eyes are so blue, like the sky, or the oceans, and almost always wide and startled. It's rare these days that they be sparkling with laughter, at least when others can see. Instead, they just look sad and lonely. His hair, usually kept in a fringe, is brown and soft. His smile, when he does smile, is hesitant and he can usually be seen with his arms wrapped around himself, like he's trying to hold himself together or something, and he tends to keep his head ducked down. From time to time, he'll wear glasses, but his vision isn't bad enough to need them all of the time. He typically only wears them when he's very tired and having difficult reading.
Personality: Hayden is.... very quiet. He's shy and very skittish, seems to even be afraid of his own shadow. When he was a child he was more of a talker but years of abuse, abuse he is still suffering from, has caused him to struggle with numerous issues. He does not see himself as attractive and also irrationally believes that if he were skinnier his father would leave him alone. This has led him to develop anorexia nervosa. He's also very depressed and very, very anxious. He suffers from nightmares and night terrors, frequently waking up screaming. This has led to him being afraid to sleep so he's always tired. He has next to no confidence. Even his confidence in his riding has slowly started to slip away. He loves to jump, as does his mare, but... he doesn't have the confidence to do it anymore. He has trouble telling people no and freezes up at just the simplest questions - what's your name, how old are you, etc. He does not like to be touched, especially by other males, because that is bad and he can't be bad or he will get punished. Almost everything that he does is out of fear.
History: I'm using the same history for him as I do on another site. I apologize for any mistakes. I'll try and catch them all.
"spare the rod, spoil the child..."
these are the words that hayden grew up with in charlotte, north carolina. he heard them in church and at home as well as at the private christian school run by the church that he went to. it was a school for all grades, preschool up to the senior year of high school. they were very strict. everyone wore a uniform and they were taught lessons from the bible in every class. prayer before lunch was mandatory and god forbid you wanted to date someone before you were sixteen... it was a private little community, a sheltered little town within a town. from the outside looking in, it seemed all fine and dandy. everyone seemed happy. there were no complaints. but there were dark things that went on behind closed doors and the sherwood household was, and continues to be, no different.
hayden knew from a very young age that he was different. he didn't care about which girl was prettiest. he would much rather be hanging out with his big sister at the barn and listening to her and her friends gossip about boys. becka was always a rebel. she didn't like religion, she stopped going to church when she was just thirteen, and got kicked out the of private school at fifteen. but she was amazing. hayden adored her, still does, and he told her almost everything. almost. but not quite.
he figured out he was gay when he was seven years old but didn't dare say a word. his whole community was fiercely homophobic and he had to deal with internalized homophobia. he prayed every night that god would make him normal. fixed. because he believed himself to be broken. little did he know that in just two years, he really would be broken in the worst ways possible. it started with a conversation over dinner one night after hayden's first hunter/jumper show. the conversation had turned to same sex relationships and marriage and hayden was awed to see how adamant his sister was that gays should have the same rights as everyone else. his mother, playing the role as the submissive christian wife, said nothing, for the most part, but his father was very vocal, telling becka that she shouldn't be filling her little brother's head with such satanic thoughts and ideas. thus began hayden's confusion. because his sister wasn't evil! so she surely wouldn't support something satanic, right? that night, he went to her room, shy and quiet and so very unsure of himself, and at just nine years old he came out to his first person, his best friend, his sister. he told her that he was gay and that he had known for two years and that he was terrified. knowing that her brother had always been very skittish about everything, she comforted him, assuring him that there was nothing wrong with him, not one bit, and she said that she was proud of him and that she loved him. he slept in his sister's room that night, cuddled up against her, a disney movie (the only movies he was allowed to watch) playing in the background.
he started to get a little more comfortable with himself. sure, he still got scared when people called him a faggot for being a horseback rider, but becka and her friends always stood up for him, always made him feel loved. but with this new comfort, he ended up getting a little less careful at home. just a few months after coming out to his sister, at still nine years old, with just him and his father home, he messed up. without thinking, he said that he thought that a boy in his class had pretty eyes. it was just an innocent observation, he thought nothing of it, until suddenly his father was in front of him, leather belt in hand. and then it all goes black. hayden blocked out that first memory but he clearly remembers those words that he had been taught for all his life. "spare the rod, spoil the child." and this began the nightmare of abuse that quickly escalated into not just physical abuse, but sexual as well. and he was told to keep it all a secret. submissive by nature, hayden didn't dare give away daddy's secret.
he began to isolate himself. by thirteen, he wasn't going anywhere with friends anymore. he didn't leave the house except to go to the barn and he would only go if his father was with him. in fact, he didn't go anywhere without his father, his daddy. he still calls him daddy to this day. his whole demeanor is rather childish. he's naive and innocent despite everything. he also doesn't know how to tell someone no. he struggles to make eye contact. and he doesn't know how to deal with bullies. he doesn't know how to deal with anything anymore.
things really started getting bad when he was fifteen. that was when he first picked up the blade to cut into his skin. they were just little scratches at first in places that were easy to hide - his chest, stomach, and thighs - but the pressure to please his father and be the perfect son quickly became too much and he spiraled down into the dark sea known as depression. he started drinking only water, nothing else. and then skipping meals. when his family started catching on, he started eating again in small amounts only to purge whatever it was that he was forced to eat. he didn't go swimming anymore, which was something that he used to love to do, aside from riding, and refused to have horseback riding lessons or ride with other people. he did everything by himself or with daddy.
the nightmares started at sixteen. that's how he ended up here. he fell asleep in class one day and woke up screaming, horrified, unable to be comforted. he was sent home and the staff started to question his family. hayden's father knew what would happen if he was found out so he moved the family, keeping his job as an advertiser for the church, finding another church to be a youth pastor in, and hayden, well. hayden didn't refuse. how could he? good boys never said no. they always listened to daddy.
Personality: Hayden is.... very quiet. He's shy and very skittish, seems to even be afraid of his own shadow. When he was a child he was more of a talker but years of abuse, abuse he is still suffering from, has caused him to struggle with numerous issues. He does not see himself as attractive and also irrationally believes that if he were skinnier his father would leave him alone. This has led him to develop anorexia nervosa. He's also very depressed and very, very anxious. He suffers from nightmares and night terrors, frequently waking up screaming. This has led to him being afraid to sleep so he's always tired. He has next to no confidence. Even his confidence in his riding has slowly started to slip away. He loves to jump, as does his mare, but... he doesn't have the confidence to do it anymore. He has trouble telling people no and freezes up at just the simplest questions - what's your name, how old are you, etc. He does not like to be touched, especially by other males, because that is bad and he can't be bad or he will get punished. Almost everything that he does is out of fear.
History: I'm using the same history for him as I do on another site. I apologize for any mistakes. I'll try and catch them all.
"spare the rod, spoil the child..."
these are the words that hayden grew up with in charlotte, north carolina. he heard them in church and at home as well as at the private christian school run by the church that he went to. it was a school for all grades, preschool up to the senior year of high school. they were very strict. everyone wore a uniform and they were taught lessons from the bible in every class. prayer before lunch was mandatory and god forbid you wanted to date someone before you were sixteen... it was a private little community, a sheltered little town within a town. from the outside looking in, it seemed all fine and dandy. everyone seemed happy. there were no complaints. but there were dark things that went on behind closed doors and the sherwood household was, and continues to be, no different.
hayden knew from a very young age that he was different. he didn't care about which girl was prettiest. he would much rather be hanging out with his big sister at the barn and listening to her and her friends gossip about boys. becka was always a rebel. she didn't like religion, she stopped going to church when she was just thirteen, and got kicked out the of private school at fifteen. but she was amazing. hayden adored her, still does, and he told her almost everything. almost. but not quite.
he figured out he was gay when he was seven years old but didn't dare say a word. his whole community was fiercely homophobic and he had to deal with internalized homophobia. he prayed every night that god would make him normal. fixed. because he believed himself to be broken. little did he know that in just two years, he really would be broken in the worst ways possible. it started with a conversation over dinner one night after hayden's first hunter/jumper show. the conversation had turned to same sex relationships and marriage and hayden was awed to see how adamant his sister was that gays should have the same rights as everyone else. his mother, playing the role as the submissive christian wife, said nothing, for the most part, but his father was very vocal, telling becka that she shouldn't be filling her little brother's head with such satanic thoughts and ideas. thus began hayden's confusion. because his sister wasn't evil! so she surely wouldn't support something satanic, right? that night, he went to her room, shy and quiet and so very unsure of himself, and at just nine years old he came out to his first person, his best friend, his sister. he told her that he was gay and that he had known for two years and that he was terrified. knowing that her brother had always been very skittish about everything, she comforted him, assuring him that there was nothing wrong with him, not one bit, and she said that she was proud of him and that she loved him. he slept in his sister's room that night, cuddled up against her, a disney movie (the only movies he was allowed to watch) playing in the background.
he started to get a little more comfortable with himself. sure, he still got scared when people called him a faggot for being a horseback rider, but becka and her friends always stood up for him, always made him feel loved. but with this new comfort, he ended up getting a little less careful at home. just a few months after coming out to his sister, at still nine years old, with just him and his father home, he messed up. without thinking, he said that he thought that a boy in his class had pretty eyes. it was just an innocent observation, he thought nothing of it, until suddenly his father was in front of him, leather belt in hand. and then it all goes black. hayden blocked out that first memory but he clearly remembers those words that he had been taught for all his life. "spare the rod, spoil the child." and this began the nightmare of abuse that quickly escalated into not just physical abuse, but sexual as well. and he was told to keep it all a secret. submissive by nature, hayden didn't dare give away daddy's secret.
he began to isolate himself. by thirteen, he wasn't going anywhere with friends anymore. he didn't leave the house except to go to the barn and he would only go if his father was with him. in fact, he didn't go anywhere without his father, his daddy. he still calls him daddy to this day. his whole demeanor is rather childish. he's naive and innocent despite everything. he also doesn't know how to tell someone no. he struggles to make eye contact. and he doesn't know how to deal with bullies. he doesn't know how to deal with anything anymore.
things really started getting bad when he was fifteen. that was when he first picked up the blade to cut into his skin. they were just little scratches at first in places that were easy to hide - his chest, stomach, and thighs - but the pressure to please his father and be the perfect son quickly became too much and he spiraled down into the dark sea known as depression. he started drinking only water, nothing else. and then skipping meals. when his family started catching on, he started eating again in small amounts only to purge whatever it was that he was forced to eat. he didn't go swimming anymore, which was something that he used to love to do, aside from riding, and refused to have horseback riding lessons or ride with other people. he did everything by himself or with daddy.
the nightmares started at sixteen. that's how he ended up here. he fell asleep in class one day and woke up screaming, horrified, unable to be comforted. he was sent home and the staff started to question his family. hayden's father knew what would happen if he was found out so he moved the family, keeping his job as an advertiser for the church, finding another church to be a youth pastor in, and hayden, well. hayden didn't refuse. how could he? good boys never said no. they always listened to daddy.
Pets
Name: Killer On Standby (Killer)
Breed: Irish Sport Horse
Age: 5
Coat: Dappled Gray (Black)
Height: 16.1
Gender: Mare
Discipline English
Event: Eventing
Breed: Irish Sport Horse
Age: 5
Coat: Dappled Gray (Black)
Height: 16.1
Gender: Mare
Discipline English
Event: Eventing
Made by Riley at THQ!
