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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2015 4:12:08 GMT
losing you was Indescribable Irritated, it was one way of putting things, but widely incorrect. He was a destroyed man holding onto to pieces of what seemed to be nothing. He had gotten out of the hell hole early on, but it had been long enough for Camden to remember everything. He didn't want to remember a damn thing, he didn't want to remember the pain, the torture, and the mental scarring. Those were his nightmares though, the nightmares that clouded almost everynight of his life. Nightmares he would prefer to just go away, but one didn't overcome post traumatic stress disorder easily, even if it was sixteen years later. And, he was fully aware that it was irrational of him to have such issues years later, but it had been traumatic. Not something Camden was likely to ever forget, not even if another fifteen years passed. How could one forget the sight? It had come to his conclusion that the human race was utterly unforgivable, how could they do such a thing? Had they no conscious? Camden figured that they didn't, but now he had no idea who was good and who was bad. Simple solution was not to trust anyone at all, ever. Besides, what was ever trust worthy? Almost everyone lied, even he lied.
Anger. Pure hot Anger. It was what followed him almost every fucking single day of his life. Anger at the fact that it took more than seven years for him to be rescued. Anger because he had left Nephele behind. But, he had no choice. And, before the police could do anything she had already disappeared. To think that didn't haunt him was an utter lie, he wanted to know what happened to the girl, his friend during his time in that hell hole. Did she hate him for leaving? She probably did, but Camden had no choice but to leave the place. And, fifteen years later he still felt selfish for it. He held lots of demons though, and that was just one of them, but it was perhaps the most memorable. He was a thirty year old man now though, with a whole ton of issues, and only one girlfriend in his entire life. And, that girl had left him for another man. If that wasn't a huge kick to one's self esteem, then what was? Then again, it wasn't like he had ever cared for her in that way. Camden was unsure if he could ever think of a woman in that way, he wanted to, but there was just a lot of factors that kept him away from being the man woman wanted. Yeah, he got hit on quite a bit. Because, apparently he was sexy as hell. But, Cammy had a hard time believing that.
The sound of a dog barking annoyed him to no end, finding almost any noise to be well irritating. Animals though? That was a rare moment in time, he loved animals. He was not a veterinarian for no reason. After a little bit, he had enough, and went to see what the problem was. He frowned though, not expecting to see a woman lying there on the street. Oh, shit! He grumbled slightly as he opened his front door and rushed outside. When he got closer, it was like being hit with a iron pan. The woman lying there looked so much like Nephele, but that couldn't be possible, could it? She looked so worn out and tired, Camden wondered if she had ever got out of the prostitution world? His heart shattered into two, not wanting to think she had been suffering this long. He had to do something though, thinking that lying down on a street was perhaps not very safe considering the amount of cars that drove around this neighborhood. He gently shook her, hoping that she would wake up, also hoping the dog would just sit there and not attack him. notes |
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2015 21:25:14 GMT
i am a flower quickly fading She was very much exhausted, had been that way ever since her mother had given her away for her own selfish needs and greed. It was a wonder why she managed to hold on this long, maybe it was because she always held out on some false hope that one day she wouldn't have to live like that anymore. But dreaming never got anyone anywhere, it only brought her more despair, and only opened more windows to allow her heart to be crushed by the likes of corrupted men.
That moment when she had fallen unconscious onto the earth had granted her a moment to rest, if only for a minute or so. The black dog's alarming bark sounded way off in the distance of her mind, a mere illusion, maybe. This place, whatever it was, was peaceful. Quiet, there wasn't anyone to harm here. Would it be alright if she stayed just a little while?
The sound of barking quieted, replaced with something akin to quieted growls, his bright brown eyes looking at the approaching man warily. Perhaps it was okay, it was strange for a stray canine to give two cents about a random individual, let alone a human. But the dog was young and naive, he did many things without thinking of the consequences that could ensue in due time.
Nephele's slice of paradise within her mind soon quaked with reality, the world breaking into pieces, slipping right between her fingers. She awoke with a start, but she didn't fight back. Fighting back against her clientele had only ended badly, so she had, rather unfortunately, learned not to bring physical harm to men. She had become nothing more than a puppet to them, they had always bended her to their will. However, this realization had not come before she had endured many scars and bruises over the years, memories that would always be a dark reminder.
Dark brown eyes blinked open slowly, catching the facials of the man whom had shaken her awake. He seemed vaguely familiar somehow, but perhaps it was a ghost. Another wave of a dream, a false reality. It couldn't be that little boy that she had befriended all those years ago, the one who had left her behind. She wanted to hate him, to fight him, to slap him, anything that could show how badly she had felt when he had left her alone to endure ten more years of torture.
Yet she couldn't find herself able to do so, maybe it was because she didn't care anymore, or maybe it was because she was too exhausted to do a thing about it. "Camden.." She whispered his name, it sounded odd coming from her now. "W-why?" Was the only thing she found herself being able to say, it did not hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall from her eyes since she had first woken up. Why had he left her alone?
In a world full of disgusting bastards who wanted people nothing more than for their bodies, mere children at that. "Y-you left me behind, without saying a single word to me!" She breathed, although her anger could not be put into her tone, instead her voice came out tired. "You were my only friend Camden, the only person I could trust, the only one.." Why wouldn't her tears stop? Why? Was it because she had finally gotten out of the ring, if only because of the aid of a stray mongrel?
Or was it perhaps that she looked into the face of Camden, and could see that he had been living a free life at most ten plus years longer than she, while she rotted away slowly in a living hell, living as a plaything for disgusting individuals. The dark haired woman, her hair a complete tangled mess, got to her feet, her legs seemingly threatened to buckle under her skinny frame. However, she couldn't bring herself to hate him, hell she didn't even hate her own mother, even though she had been the one to send her to this death sentence.
Why did you leave me all alone? 713 w | @camdenhara | complete shit |
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2015 3:08:52 GMT
losing you was Indescribable Camden felt like he knew this woman, and he did know her, but he didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe that this woman could be his Nephele, his only friend in the hell hole, as he liked to call it. He had thought her long gone, murdered when the creeps found out they had been caught. They were all skilled like that, getting rid of evidence, even if it meant killing someone. That was what the police told him, the likely situation for his Nephele. But, they could of been wrong. And, now there was evidence suggesting otherwise. What was Camden supposed to think? Guilt, because he had left the girl behind. It wasn't something he really wanted to think about ten years down the road. He had left that life behind, or was at least trying to. Ha! It was coming to bite him in the ass again, why not right? It was torturing him with a woman that looked like Nephele, almost like a twin or something. Impossible, it was just simply impossible. He wanted it to be her, to know she was okay after all these years, well at least not dead. Anything was better than just dead, but he had thought that for so many years now. What if she wasn't dead? What if she had been stuck in slavery all these years?
Camden had a hard time processing that, wondering if death would of been a better alternative then. The woman on the street was broken, skinny and simply not doing well. It certainly looked like someone that had been stuck in that hell hole for so many years. It looked and breathed like Nephele, so why didn't he believe she was Nephele? Simply because it would make him feel like a horrible person. But, he had been nothing but a kid. He had been unable to save her, even though he always liked to play hero. But, at that time, he had been broken. And, he still was. But, he was better. He was able to live a somewhat normal life. There goes normalcy though, finding your best friend you thought dead changed things. Then there was the fact that he could just be hallucinating or something, because that would just make perfect sense. He wanted it to be real though, he wanted the woman to be the girl he once knew. He didn't care if she hated him, if it meant that she was alive. He would make it up to her, he would do everything in his power to make her life right, he owed her that much didn't he? Even if it hadn't really been his fault, the police couldn't find her.
"Camden.." He barely heard the words, but it was definitely his Nephele, the girl he had befriended. He wanted to apologize rigth there and then, but he knew better. He knew he had to wait for her to finish, he had to be the perfect gentlemen. He sure as hell didn't feel like one though, especially right now. "W-why?" He opened his mouth to respond, yet nothing came out, after all, how could it? He was still in shock by the very sight of her, he was having a hard time processing things. "Y-you left me behind, without saying a single word to me!" Tears rolled down his cheeks as he found himself unable to control the amount of guilt that overwhelmed him. He wanted to scream sorry at the top of his lungs, but he didn't. "You were my only friend Camden, the only person I could trust, the only one.." His teeth chattered together, the pain was far too much. He hardly noticed when she got up on her feet, the way her body struggled to hold itself upright. "I'm Sorry, Nephy... I wanted to... And, If I could of... I would of gone back for you.... I'm Sorry." notes |
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2015 0:15:04 GMT
i am a flower quickly fading No amount of apologizing for abandoning her could bring her to forgive him, not a single one. It was just a simple word, you could only pour so much meaning into so many letters. Actions spoke louder than words, but in this case the man had ran away, leaving her to suffer by her lonesome.
She wanted to scream at him, to hit him, but just could not find the energy nor the will to do so. The dark haired woman looked at the man through teary eyes, seeing the droplets roll down his face as well. What purpose did that serve? "No you wouldn't. You wouldn't have came back for me. I suffered through that hell for thirteen more years, Camden. Thirteen! You've been walking free since then, yet I was left behind to be everyone chew toy. They thought I was the reason for you leaving, so you know what they did? They punished me for it. I became nothing more than a filthy man's property up until about fifteen minutes ago. A dog who doesn't know left from right had to come to my aid, instead of an actual person. No, sorry does nothing for me." She was upset, that much was apparent.
However, it was unusual for the woman to be so upset, so angry. She would regret every word that she was saying at some point for she was merely talking out of exhaustion, and looking for someone, anyone to blame for the bullshit life had put her through for more than half of her life. She shifted her light brown gaze to the dark dog who simply sat patiently, not running off as some people may have expected him to do. "I was so alone Camden, so afraid. Their treatment only grew harsher by each passing day..but death was too good of a pleasure for them to allow me to kill myself, the only time I was of any use to them was when I was on my back, they didn't care if I cried. No one gave a crap if I cried for you to come save me from this crap, this hell." The woman trembled, her arms wrapping around herself slightly. Her eyes held such fear and exhaustion, it was a wonder as to what the woman had experienced in her years.
Shit that life put her through tried to force her to age, life tried to make her become a woman many years too soon, and what was left was a husk of a person. Frightened beyond belief, someone who wanted to get out of whatever invisible cage life had thrown her into. "Every single time I cried for you Camden..." She repeated, her gaze having dropped to the floor as she completely and utterly broke down emotionally, her life having eluded her grasp all these years, what was it like to be free? She did not know freedom, what use was freedom when her mind had been scarred so? Her heart torn and ignored so that her body may be used for the sick pleasure of desperate men? 539 WORDS | @camdenhara | NOPE |
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2015 3:43:22 GMT
losing you was Indescribable The feeling of guilty was mostly what consumed Camden at the moment, thinking back to the time when he had left Nephele behind, like she was nothing to him. But, he had reasoned that he had only been a kid when it happened. It wasn't like he hadn't told the cops about her, and they told him she was probably dead since the perps would want to cover up their tracks. But, she wasn't dead. She was here in front of him, and Camden wasn't sure what to do, he wanted to cry for joy. Camden wondered if he had given up too easily back then, that if he had refused to believe the police, that Nephele might of been saved sooner. But, he was here now. Didn't that count for something? Probably not. He was a horrible person now, but Camden at this point didn't care. Nephy was alive. His Nephy was alive. He didn't care if she hated him, all that mattered really was that she was still breathing. It was better than being dead, than no longer existing. Was it selfish of him to want that? No, probably not. Because he didn't care if she wanted nothing to do with him, only that she was still breathing. Did anything else matter? Absolutely not, only that his friend had somehow survived.
"No you wouldn't. You wouldn't have came back for me. I suffered through that hell for thirteen more years, Camden. Thirteen! You've been walking free since then, yet I was left behind to be everyone chew toy. They thought I was the reason for you leaving, so you know what they did? They punished me for it. I became nothing more than a filthy man's property up until about fifteen minutes ago. A dog who doesn't know left from right had to come to my aid, instead of an actual person. No, sorry does nothing for me." The words should have upset him more, but to be fairly honest, he was still in shock that she was alive. How was he supposed to process that? Just snap out of it? It wasn't going to happen, Camden was in too much shock. His best friend was still alive, she was still her kicking and screaming. Another part of him wanted to go after the monster for keeping her all these years, for keeping her from the life she deserved. And, he had been free for thirteen years. What was he supposed to say? No words came to mind, only panic and anger. This was why animals were so much easier, he didn't have to deal with these kind of situations, ones where he could barely process it. "I...." It was all her managed to say.
"I was so alone Camden, so afraid. Their treatment only grew harsher by each passing day..but death was too good of a pleasure for them to allow me to kill myself, the only time I was of any use to them was when I was on my back, they didn't care if I cried. No one gave a crap if I cried for you to come save me from this crap, this hell." Those words were the most haunting for him, his stomach churned with its contents, not liking the feeling of dread that overcame him. The tears strolled down his face, not caring if men weren't supposed to cry, he was feeling raw emotion. He could not hold anything back, no matter how hard he tried. "Every single time I cried for you Camden..." His shoulders broke down in defeat, wondering how he could make her feel better. He had only experienced a small piece of that life, only seven years to be fair, she had staying in it so much longer.. But he had thought her dead. "No, you don't understand Nephy. I mourned you. I was told you were dead, they were police... I believed them. I fucking believed them. And, this whole time you were alive... I failed you Nephy. And, all I can say is Sorry. Because, what else can I do? I was a kid back then, I believed anything that I was told... So, really I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry about a damn thing. I don't care if you hate me. All that matters to me now, is that you're alive.. and all this time that I thought you were dead was all a big lie....And, all I want to do is touch you.. Is this even real? I have no idea if I'm just talking to myself... and all you are is a hallucination. Please be real." notes |
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2015 6:40:48 GMT
❝ pain of yesterday ❞ What the abused really wanted was so form of comfort, but at the same time she wanted no such thing. She was afraid to be in anyone's arms again, for fear that they'd wish to instill pain and suffering upon her for another portion of her life. Whenever she thought she had been free, it would only turn out to be a bitter lie in order to win her momentary trust.
Should she even still consider this man as her friend? Wasn't he a stranger now? After all, she had not talked to him since their pitiful, worthless childhood. The tears that streamed down his face only made her cry harder, but on the other hand it made her more angry. With each and every word, it felt like another slap to her face. Another chance for life to make fun of her, to treat her as though she was it's bitch, it's plaything.
Her heart pounded in her chest as the man's last words fully registered. A hallucination? Really? Oh how she wished all of the bullshit that had happened in her life had been as such. Just a bad dream, a nightmare. Something so simple that when she woke up in the morning everything would be fucking alright. But guess what? She always woke up to the dark side of life. "Am I real?" She stated, her hazel eyes staring at the man with pools of pain and exhaustion.
Without hesitating a moment more, she raised her hand and slapped the side of the man's face roughly. "Is that real to you, is it?" She spoke angrily, more angry with the outcome of her life than at Camden. But she needed someone to take her frustration out on, anyone would have suffered the same fate if they would have been in her line of fire.
In the background, the stray dog barked a warning as though he worried for this new girl's safety. "All you want to do is touch me. That's what fucking everyone else said the past decade. I wish I was dead, then I wouldn't have to worry about being everyone's fuck toy. To be made to do things I didn't want to. I didn't want to...I didn't want to...I didn't..." She repeated constantly before stumbling forward, her arms wrapping around the man's frame, ditching her fear for human contact.
He was the only friend she had in her life, and she had thought she would never see him again. She tightened her grip around the man's frame as she broke into a pitiful sob. "Please...please don't make me go back. Please..please.. Was it too much to just want to live my life like every normal person? Was it really? What did I do to have to live through a life of suffering? To be forced to withstand pain, if only to satisfy another deranged soul's hungry pleasures? Why..why..I just want to die, Camden. What point is there even living anymore? I'm used up, a husk of a whore. I'm disgusting, filthy..I.." She buried her head into the man's chest as tears streamed down her cheek, she wanted to give up on life.
If someone could put her out of her misery, she'd gladly take that exit ticket so long as she'd be free of the bullshit life made her endure. "For as long as I can remember..that life was all I was good for..without it...it's sad to say..but I'm worthless. I'm no use to anyone. I..just leave me here to die. I.." Although she spoke such harsh words, she didn't want to mean them. There was some conflicting flicker of hope that there was a chance things could still be normal, that she could forget and move on.
But as she clung to the man so desperately, doubts clouded her thoughts. She sank down to her knees, releasing her grip upon his torso. "Just let me die." She continued to whisper to herself as she wrapped her arms around her skinny upper torso, the bruises visible upon her arms under the street light from the times she had tried to escape her fate, but to no avail.
❝ i was empty without you by my side ❞ @camdenhara | 739 ords | muse: none
eee nephy n cammy
imsomean |
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